Common Reactor

I mentioned in the last post that I spent two weeks in the US.  While I was there, I thought some thoughts that I don't think I would have thought if I didn't live in Asia.  Here are some (with the usual long-winded and odd digressions):

Only people of a certain age know all the words to Oye Como Va by Santana.  I thought this while drinking beer* in a bar with some of my brother's friends.  He lives in Florida, so most of his friends are, well, old.  While we were drinking, the mid-fifties-one-man-bar-band played that song, and a mid-fifties couple we were with jumped up and danced to it.  While they were dancing they sang the words to the song to each other.  It was actually pleasant to see a couple that age appear to enjoy each other's company.  I couldn't help thinking this has something to do with the fact they don't have children. I don't suppose there is really any correlation to the above-stated fact and living in Asia other than I hadn't heard the song in a long time.  It's one of those songs that speaks to the time it was popular.  There is no way that song would be popular today (the slanderous mambo simply isn't on the radio these days), but it encapsulates nicely what I imagine 1970 was like.  When I think of the year 1970 Oye Como Va is the soundtrack that plays in my head while people of all races walk around with afros, tinted glasses, obscenely large bell-bottoms and dashikis.  Just like Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm by the Crash Test Dummies could only have ever been popular for people who were plugged in in 1993, Oye Como Va has a certain transportive quality that appeals to people in their mid-fifties.  Dun da-dun da-da-dun.

*Miller Lite!  Miller Lite so cold it makes your teeth hurt. I never thought I'd be so thrilled to drink icy cold Miller Lite, but they don't have it in Vietnam.  It does taste great, but I'm going to go with less filling as my favorite thing about the blue and gold.  All the beer here makes you feel like you swallowed a swimming pool after about three.

Wal-Mart offers the same level of convenience as a series of specialty stores.  While in Florida I went to Wally World with my brother.  We went there because we needed two things:  Air Conditioner Filters and Candy for me to bring back for the local staff.  In Vietnam it would be unthinkable to have both of these things in the same store, but in America it's every other block*.  The Super Wal-Mart is completely out of control.  The store we entered covered the area of at least two city blocks.  This is not an exaggeration: the Wal-Mart parking lot was bigger than our neighborhood in Vietnam.  Once inside**, we spent around 10 minutes just wandering around getting our bearings.  I'm actually surprised these big box stores don't have kiosks with maps yet like shopping malls because the place is enormous.  As we hiked, I started to realize that it was taking longer to find the two things we needed than it would have to simply drive to two different stores -one that sells HVAC accessories and one that sells candy.  Alternately, I suppose going to one humongous store keeps you from getting wet on rainy days.  Beyond that I don't see how it's more convenient.  Once we found what we wanted (of course they had it all) we then had to walk to a register.  It was so far my legs actually got tired and my feet were sore.  I was wearing flip flops and hadn't really planned on walking as far as we did.  I noticed the beaten down parents dragging their kids through the store and for the first time thought, "It's not the kids, they're exhausted from trekking through the damn store."  It doesn't help that dragging your kids through a Super Wal-Mart must be something like dragging them to the top of a mountain -a smoothly paved, zero-grade, climate controlled mountain.  Next time I go to Wal-Mart I expect to see a gaggle of old ladies in white nurse sneakers doing laps for exercise.  It gets hot out in Florida.  The whole experience begged the question, "Will there ever be a box store in America that is considered too big to be convenient?"  I welcome your input on this question.

*I think this is mainly due to the fact that every store in America sells candy.  I can't think of single store I entered in the US that didn't sell some food product.  The vast majority of which was candy.  Does anyone other than me find that odd?  News flash -this is why your fat, America.

**Here's another one of those uniquely American things.  Stores here only have one entrance.  At Wal-Mart we went in the "Nursery" entrance rather than the Main Entrance.  The Nursery Entrance was complete with lonely checkout aisles and everything; both inside and outside.  When did that happen?  When we checked out at the indoor Nursery Checkout I didn't see a single shopper buying outdoor items, including us.

American excess is no longer disturbing.  It makes me giddy.  I had a pretty specific shopping agenda on this trip.  I needed half a dozen parts for a bicycle I'm having made here in Vietnam* and a bunch of stuff for Reyna's classroom.  The thing that struck me is the options.  I went to two bike shops, neither of which carried the right wheels for my bike.  So I went to the manufacturer's website.  They couldn't ship me the parts in time.  So I went to Ebay.  Bingo.  Wheels are now mine**.  This only happens in America.  At least that's been my experience.  There's only one bike shop here in HCM (a city with a population roughly the same as Manhattan) that special orders parts.  If they don't carry what you need, you're looking at a six week to six month wait.  In America I went to three stores, and half a dozen online shops to find what I was looking for in the span of about two hours. The wheels were at my house a few days later. Don't take that shit for granted people!  There is so much stuff in America and it's so easy to get, it's no wonder people have $100,000 in credit debt.  No wonder people feel constantly compelled to buy stuff.  It's all RIGHT THERE.  And everything is super sized.  It's not just Wal-Marts and Targets.  All the bars we went to had like 20 or more taps for beer.  Even the cigar bar had ten or so, and that's a place that makes money selling cigars, not beer***.  Most bars in Vietnam have one tap.   Even if they have two or three, the beers are Tiger, San Miguel and/or Carlsburg.  And let's be honest here, those are all basically all the same beer.

*This will have it's own post.  I about pee my pants with excitement every day just thinking about how awesome it's going to be.  That is pretty awesome.

**I feel compelled to tell more of this story.  When I ordered the wheels on Ebay, I was concerned they wouldn't arrive in time.  The shop had a phone number on the product page. The guy actually answered and spoke English.  He also understood me when I spoke, answering confidently rather than pausing and then saying, "okay" in that I-have-no-idea-what-you're-saying-but-don't-want-to-be-rude way that happens in Asia all the time.  He then changed the shipping details on my order to make sure the package would arrive in time.  If you think that happens everywhere in the world, you are sorely mistaken.  Amazing.  Thanks Chicago Bike Shop Guy.

***As stinky as the place was, I did like their t-shirt slogan:  "A Non-Working Smoke Environment."  And the cigar shop doesn't have a humidor.  The entire bar is a humidor.  American excess?  Yes, please.

American politics are completely out of control.  The Republican National Convention took place about 100 miles from where I was staying in Florida.  I followed politics when we lived in the US.  I don't as much anymore because seeing it from over here made me realize that both sides are completely full of shit.  Political campaigns are run entirely based on passion rather than policy.  Whoever can get people stirred up the most will win.  No wonder nothing ever gets done. The thought that a convention could actually sway voters worries me.  It's all theater, people.  It's all a scheme for rich people to get more of your money.  That goes for both parties.  For the first time ever, I've considered not voting.  In this election I'll make my decision, not based on the policies of a particular candidate, but rather on which administration will make America look less idiotic in the eyes of my coworkers.  In that light, there really isn't a good choice.

The world may actually end this year.  When I sent this video to my friend in New York and he'd already seen it, I knew we were in trouble.  It's possible the Mayans were right.  Seriously though, if you haven't had a good laugh today, I highly encourage you to watch this.  And then teach your friends the dance.  Everyone will know you're on the cutting edge of what's hot in America right now.

And that's a little foray into the twisted mind of your friendly TatVeg.  What will the next trip to America bring?  Who can know?  One thing I can expect from my next visit is to add around one to one-and-a-half Fat Babies (FBs) to my waist line.  That appears to be a recurring theme.  

And yes, I got paid (finally); and no one has attempted to kick my ass (yet).

The End