Continuous Thunder

It's been a week of amazing pictures for the TatVeg.  Let's get right to it:

Does it get any better than this?  No, no it does not. Normally I hate feeling like a tourist, but I couldn't resist.  

Oh you'd like to see what it looks like from the back?

Yep... Symmetry.  Pretty nice sky too...

Shortly after I took these photos, our be-headphoned driver attempted to maim two guys on a motorbike in front of half a dozen cops.  The whole thing happened right outside my window, so I got to watch it all unfold; from the, "wow those guys are close" to the "oh shit, they just crashed" moments. We sat in an immobile car for more than 45 minutes waiting for him to make the necessary pay-offs (the cops, the guys we hit, the families of the guys we hit, the people who witnessed the accident -there are a lot of people).

Mental note: When getting into an accident that is your fault, the fewer cops here are around, the better.  He left the car with a wad of cash and came back with nothing.  I can't imagine he makes tons of money driving us around.

There wasn't a whole lot else to see on my ride(s) this week.  Since it's Allow-Your-Cows-To-Graze-On-The-Shoulder month, I made an effort to count how many I saw.  On day 1 I counted 28 cows grazing within 3 meters of the pavement*.  On day 2, there were a lot more.  We passed them so quickly I didn't have any hope of counting them all, but I'd say it was in the neighborhood of 50.  We only had one swerve-around-the-herd-of-cows-crossing-the-highway moments, which is less than usual.  Honking at cows doesn't work as well as honking at motorbikes.**

*There are a few rules as to what counts as a "cow grazing on the side of the road."

1. There cannot be any fences
2. They have to be on the street side of any drainage ditches or shrubbery
3. Bonus points if you cannot locate the guy watching the cows. 

**And let's just take a moment to discuss that, shall we?  It amazes me how blase the motorbike riders are around cars.  The farther away from the city you drive, the worse it gets.  We'll be barreling up the rear of a motorbike, going at least 40km an hour quicker than the bike; our driver will be flashing his lights and laying on the horn.  It's like we're riding behind a deaf and blind motorbike driver.  Keep in mind that they are driving a 100cc scooter, we are driving a Toyota Fortuna; the Asian equivalent of a Toyota Land Cruiser in the US.  We out weigh them by at least 2000lbs.  They don't move over, don't even glance sideways.  Leaving us to either slam on brakes to avoid an on-coming dump truck in the opposite lane, or swerve one inch from the motorbike as we pass.  Why don't they just scoot over?  I don't get it.

But as it is with most things, once you start counting this or that, you find yourself counting other things too.  In my quest to find cows, I noticed a lot of men relieving themselves on the side of the road.  On our journey I counted 16, plus bonus points for a father and small son peeing side by side.  That's bonus points right? RIGHT?

Upon my return to the office this morning, I was greeted with this:

Does it even need a caption?  It's AMAZING.  I think I've dropped enough hints to the creator of this masterpiece to ensure I get one on my birthday.  Brace yourselves!

I wrote all that last week and never got around to posting it.  Sorry about that.  The subsequent rides to site all happened on the ferry from HCM to Vung Tao.  The ride to Vung Tao was filled with puking children.  It wasn't even a rough ride, but you know it's going to be bad when kids are throwing up as they BOARD the boat.  One kid actually had a plastic bag hanging on his ears like a reverse horse-feeding sack.  I chose to stand outside.  I followed a line of kids hurling into bags when I disembarked.  It's true, kids will barf at the drop of a hat.

Here's a photo of a cheese plate:

I know what you're thinking, "What's so special about a cheese plate?"  This particular cheese plate(s) came AFTER we'd already had five courses of food.  Every table gets this much cheese.  We sat in a stupor for a few minutes, then discussed what we should do with all this cheese?  Do we sit and eat it?  Do we eat a little and take it home?  Will they be upset if we only eat a few bites? We settled on eat as much as we can and be done with dinner.  They took it away, and then forced us, FORCED US, to sit there until we were ready to order dessert. When we finally finished, the owner of the restaurant rolled us into the factory where they make all this cheese.  Yep, it's all house made.

So I finally got my three-year visa.  I think it's safe to say that Vietnam has changed me a little.  I didn't notice when the photo was taken that I look like a fat ax murderer.  It's not entirely my fault since no one told me I was supposed to have my picture taken until the day of, and you're not allowed to smile.  Apparently when I'm not smiling, I look like I'm going to murder someone.  Sorry about that, everyone I've ever met.

Finally I want to take a moment to give big shout-outs to two people.

First, to Crack, who I spoke to for the first time in three years yesterday.  You are one of the reasons The Tattooed Vegetarian exists.  I totally stole the * thing from you.  Your writing is hilarious and everyone should go and read it here.  I'm not sorry I crushed your Bugles.  The look on your face when I did that still makes me laugh.  You also forgot to mention that you made the rope swing in the shop within the first 30 minutes of your first day.  Looking back on it, I can't believe I ever let you near power tools, but I'm glad I did.  Don't ever stop being a spazz.  I can't believe you're turning 30.  It makes me feel old...

And second on this list, but not in my heart, the lovely Reyna's birthday was on Sunday.  I don't know where I'd be without you, but I can tell you I'd be less happy.  You convincing me to move to Vietnam was the best things anyone's ever pressured me into doing.  I love you.  Thanks for putting up and sticking with me through this crazy challenge.  Without you, I'd still be riding a desk in a windowless office wishing to be hit by a car on the way to lunch.  You have truly changed my life and helped me through so many hardships, fears and fuck-ups.  There is no one I'd rather walk by an untended fire on the sidewalk with.  I can't wait to see what the next three years brings.  

See? I don't look like a fat ax murderer all the time

Yeah I named two straight posts after songs from the same band.  Sue me...  Besides, this song has the perfect sentiment.